Is There a Problem Person in Your Life?

 

John T. Cocoris, Th.M., Psy.D.

 

Catalog

 

People that have a problem person in their life search for answers as to why they act the way they do. Sometimes they are out of control. The person may be a son or daughter, a husband or wife, a girlfriend or boyfriend, or just a friend. The question remains the same, why do they act the way they do and cause so much difficulty?

When the person is young the behavior is often a sudden outburst of anger (even rage), rebellion against authority, verbal or physical aggression. This behavior easily follows the person into adulthood. Addictions are common, mood swings are frequent and relationships are easy causalities. They can be charming, remorseful and convincing that they have changed their ways. This may last for a few days (or not) and the undesirable behavior is back. Some are even self-destructive.

There is another side to these problem people. They are intelligent, creative and very emotional. They usually have some artistic ability. They may write, sing, decorate, play act, write poetry, act. They will have some form of expression that is creative and this shows up very early in their life. They are sensitive and have a deep fear of being rejected. When they perceive they have been rejected or may be rejected they will likely have an extreme emotional reaction.

Numerous parents have asked me why their son or daughter turned out to be difficult and what did they do to cause it. There are two popular reasons offered by psychiatrists and therapists to explain why some people are so out of control.

Psychiatrist, representing the medical model, will say that the person likely has a chemical imbalance thus causing the odd behavior that is sometimes out of control. They claim their brain chemistry will not allow them to control their impulses or thoughts. This position is essentially saying that it is not the person's fault, their brain is defective and has failed to function as designed. Therapists often look to the person's early environment then blame the parents for something they did or did not do and the person is acting out their displeasure.

There is another explanation.

The temperament model teaches that people are born with natural tendencies. There are four basic groups of tendencies making four temperaments. These four temperaments combine to make twelve blends. One of these blends causes the most difficulty for themselves and others. There are exceptions. Not everyone with this blend is a problem person. I need to repeat this, not everyone with this blend is a problem person. I am saying that when there is a problem person, it is usually one with this temperament blend.

This position is that the person is choosing to be out of control and that it is within their ability to control their behavior. They are accountable and responsible for their actions. The individual needs to exercise self-control and make better choices.